Back to school trauma and turmoil and those little tips that can sometimes help.
September can often feel like an opportunity to refresh, a sort of less intense 'NEW YEAR' opportunity to re-evaluate goals and a reboot for the autumn approach to the end of yet another year.
It is no real shock that this month feels like that to me and lots of others, as we have been programmed from an early age that September is a month of CHANGE and progression.
It is the month that the endless days of summer, abruptly actually end.
New pencil cases are bought, shiny new school shoes begrudgingly acquired with a gasp at the price and uniforms get ironed for the first few weeks.
September is time for the NEW SCHOOL YEAR.
Now to every child, this brings a bag of emotion....excitement, anxiety, sadness that the unstructured days are coming to an end. The list is long and valid, as most people approach change with caution. However, for a neuro-diverse child, these feelings are often amplified. Feeling the same emotions as a neuro-typical child, but with the volume at full whack.
We are now in the Secondary school level where more change is experienced, but even at Primary level the anxiety of a new year at school would mean the first few weeks of September were full of meltdowns and 'End of Day' restraint collapses.
Triggers for our son:
1) New teacher
2) New pupils
3) New timetables
4) Different classrooms
5) Having to hold in the emotions again after 6 weeks of holiday
6) Sensitive reunion with peers - even the good, but also the bad
Tips on jumping (or at least riding these waves)
1) New teacher
Some schools already ask parents to fill in a fact sheet about their child before they start in the form. This is pretty standard in Primary school, less so in Secondary. With our journey through Primary, we would also request an opportunity to have a face to face meeting with the new teacher. Face to face gives you the opportunity to share the main concerns and to hopefully connect with the new class lead on your child's additional needs.
In Secondary we are still finding our feet and also trusting our son to take ownership as he gets a bit older. I do make sure I check in with his form tutor and ask if there are new teachers who need an introduction. We also keep in touch more regularly during the first few weeks as it takes some time for him to settle into the new routine.
2) New pupils
At Primary school it is easier to get to know the parents at drop off and to try and arrange for a group to go to the playground / park after school can help. Normalising the new as soon as possible is a way to help ease the anxiety.
3) New timetables
This one caught us off guard this year. In Secondary school, most of our son's teacher's changed as did his learning carousel.
Next year I will be dropping warnings that change to his timetable will be coming, but this year we only learnt the day before. "I AM NOT GOING BACK!" was threatened and a very serious rejection of all the newly named teacher's who now appeared.
Apparently they were all the WORST ever (even though most of the names on the list were new to the school!).
The unknown can spike amplified anxiety in a neauro-diverse child, so as much warning as possible is best. Liaise with the school so they are aware you need information in advance when possible.
4) Different classrooms
If there are big location changes coming make sure you are aware of them too.
In Primary, if there is a "Meet the Teacher' opportunity, always try to make it and if possible, ask to see the classroom and position that your child will be sat.
In Secondary, it is not always possible to do this, also the pre-teen independence would rather navigate this on his own. But be aware, it can be another straw on the back of the restraint camel though.
5) Having to hold in the emotions again after 6 weeks of holiday
So much to deal with here. We have had a melt down everyday since he has been back at school. This will ease after the first few weeks of school starting. There will still be days of course after that, but hopefully not everyday. There is a post about restraint collapse on the JJ site, https://www.jugglingjelly.com/post/template-how-to-write-a-tips-blog-post-2 , but some quick helpful reminders:
Structured Snack, Calm Down Box, Quiet and Calm Den and Weighted Blanket can all help.
6) Sensitive reunion with peers - even the good, but also the bad
Arrange as many play-dates and meet-ups as possible in the school holiday. There will be fall outs when the "normality' of school settles and hormones kick in. Certain children will use vulnerability in other's to make themselves feel better. So be prepared for this.
I will always ask my children if they want us to intervene in situations. If I feel it is necessary, I will email the form tutor/SEN contact/form teacher. Emotional sensitivity can again be amplified with a Neuro-diverse child, so they often need help to navigate these waters.
Keep the conversations going and keep an ear out for dominant names. These can often be the controlling personalities at the centre of any impact.
We remind our boy to try not to react when singled out, as that is what a 'bully' is looking for. But this is like asking a dog not to bark. Just be consistent to remind them that school is not infinite and hopefully build a good network outside the confines of school through clubs, community and family, so those bad days aren't so all encompassing
Excellent post, really resonates