Requested in for Special Education Needs & Disability (SEND) meeting…

When the school starts the tricky conversation of identifying a different path for your child.

I’d like to say that I was enlightened and calmly approaching the obvious challenges our boy was presenting from an early age, but I was firmly in denial.

He is incredibly bright, funny and sparky, so the markers and milestones that are often utilised to track development, I explained away. I often put it down to age or the fact he was the ‘youngest in the class’, his ‘high energy’, ‘he was a boy’ or the classic that ‘everyone develops at different rates’ etc…I had a rational excuse for most comments.

The reading bands grading was often a topic of conversation in the playground between the parents and I‘d hear myself saying ”Oh don’t worry about them, every child finds their own pace.” Which I still strongly believe in, but I should have also been a bit more open to the fact that there was a misalignment when looking at our son’s intelligence and then his attainment in the classroom. Also the amount of times the teachers would comment on his inability to sit still…again explained away as “Well he’s a busy boy!”

There were many reasons that made me bury my head in the sand, but certainly fear of the unknown and the perceived stigma that goes with not ‘fitting in”.

So when the letter came through from the SENco, saying that they would like a meeting and that our son was being put on the SEND register, I had a spike of confusion, followed by a feeling of anger. I felt the wording on the letter was saying that there was something wrong with our child. It felt like a criticism and I was firmly in the denial camp at this point and believed that being on the SEND register would be on his “Record‘ forever and this bright, funny, busy five year olds’ future would somehow be jeopardised.

I remember feeling nervous waiting in the small reception for the SENco to collect us for the meeting. I also was explaining away the reason for the meeting if any ‘curious’ parent asked why we were staying behind after drop off. Still very conscious of not wanting our son to be identified as ‘different’.

I am ashamed to admit I sat in that meeting with my arms crossed and an accusing look on my face. Lots of questions, asking for justification why they had identified our son’s being put on the special educational needs register. Challenging their findings, again arguing him being the youngest in the year - how could they possibly know at this age etc.

I can remember the lovely SENco (new to the role) handling this first meeting very kindly and gently and after this jarring start, we had a number of years working so closely and well together to make sure the provision at school for our son was all it could and needed to be. Also that we were doing all we could at home to support his development. We aimed to make sure it was a looped support system with open communication in both directions.

So when you get that letter or call for a discussion from the SEND team, here are a few tips I wish I’d had in my kit bag:

Tip #1 - Put the barriers down

It is natural to be in denial when things do not go as you‘d expected. Try not to think of it as a failing or judgement. On our journey we have faced so many hurdles but I know that when I look at the strength that neuro-diversity can bring to an individual, it helps. I know that our son is incredibly solutions orientated now, resilient and we make sure we remind him that everyone learns in different ways.

It doesn‘t help that mainstream education is set up for the neuro-typical student, so it’s tough from the get-go, but once the provisions for your child’s learning needs are put in place, you start to see the progress and improvement to their self-esteem

Tip #2 - Look out for indicators

There will be conversations before the SEND registration letter comes out. No doubt at parents evenings’ or the Form teacher‘s comments at the end of the school day. You might be called in for conversations about your child ‘not being able to sit still” or “reading bands” or “disruption.” As well as many other milestones, these all help to build the type of learning intervention that your child needs. After my initial denial, I was able to then position the SEN support as our son getting the additional help and bespoke learning that he needed for his brain. It also meant that we could then plan his ongoing journey, start the process of diagnosis and focus on whether the provision was enough or did an Educational Health Care Plan (EHCP) have to be considered? Knowledge really is power for parents. When needs are identified, you can research, support and get provisions in place. A SEN requirement means your child needs another way to learn and access information, so getting that in place as soon as possible is key.

Tip #3 - Questions

Find out how long the initial meeting will be and who from the SEND team will be attending. If both parents can go to this initial meeting that would be ideal. Prepare any questions that you have about the process beforehand.

In basic terms, when your child is put on the SEND register, they will have a termly SEND plan written up and agreed to. That plan will identify personal goals to achieve that will be measured on for growth and development. This will help with future indicators on what is working and if more support is needed (EHCP) and the speed in which progress is being made.

Questions that might be useful:

1) Is my child to receive one on one TA support and if so how many hours?

2) What interventions are being put into place and what progress do you expect to measure?

3) How does the school operate intervention groups for things like reading/ maths etc? Children are very sensitive to being called out for slower development, self-esteem is so important.

4) How does the school look after the personal development and self-esteem of the child on the SEND register?

5) How often will you meet with the SENCo and what is the way they want to receive communication from you?

Tip #4 - Share and work as a team

It took me a while to get my head round the new direction for our son, but once aligned, I worked so closely with the SEND team, asking for recommendations of research, websites, organisations and their insight. Hopefully your SEND team is awesome and supportive and if you share your findings and reports that you collect on your journey, it all helps piece together the jigsaw of bespoke education that will help your child access their best results.

Tip #5 - Do your own research and reports.

The school will engage with specialists to help identify the educational needs for your child, like an educational psychologist or speech and language specialist or occupational therapist. But budget constraints and demand can impact when your child gets reviewed. If you are able to, get private assessments and reports completed. There are so many organisations to help find a credible assessor, but also speak with the SEND team at the school as they will no doubt have some ideas. I will update on our diagnosis journey on a future post.

Share the findings/diagnosis reports with your team and keep a chronological track of all the reports and recommendations. This will help map out an optimal SEN plan but also can be used for background and evidence when elevating support through an EHCP.

This formal SEND plan is often the start of an even more rewarding journey

The challenges faced by a neuro-diverse child are big, so when the achievements happen - Wow do they feel good. And it’s often the small things - our twelve year old has just started to be able to tie his own shoe laces - and the pride he has with this is immense and that joy is shared.

As always you are doing the best you can navigating this path, keep going, keep researching, keep on keeping on. You and your child are amazing.