Bend don't break....

being kind to yourself and managing your own expectations.

So this year I started this blog, Juggling Jelly, a passion project with no other agenda than to share mine and my nearest and dearest's insights and experiences with special additional needs - in a young person's education, psychological and medical spheres.

We have quite a kit bag of issues with our son - sensory processing disorder, ADHD, Dyslexia, Dyscalculia, Dysgraphia, Hypermobility and Type 1 Diabetes. All of these make for a perfect storm and the challenges for him and us are faced, head-on everyday.

Behind the labels is an awesome kid; funny, kind, very bright, confident, enthusiastic and encouraging. When his regulation is challenged or spiked (most days), then we have big restraint collapses, meltdowns (which as we approach teenage-hood are getting louder and swearier), challenging insecurities, intense anxiety and identity isolation.

Navigating these tidal waves of emotion is tough and us SEN parents go through a lot behind closed doors....unless of course the meltdown spills out into the outside world, which ours have recently.

What doesn't help is that everything around this time of year is AMPLIFIED - and there is no filter. The pressure for a SEN child about the 'naughty' list is too triggering. Even if the pressure of the list is taken away, for our son it's the unknown of what he is getting and the lack of structure and the heightened events in the run up to the "BIG' day. Most children are overwhelmed, but a SEN warrior has it even harder. But as the song goes, "The most wonderful time of the year!" right? right?

I find it really hard to cope....trying to keep all the plates spinning, get to the end of term, buy the presents, ensure that all the requests are met, navigating the latest hyper-focus, making sure the house is decorated and that the meltdowns are calmed....oh and that his blood sugars are kept in range. It feels like I am striving to match the picture perfect images on Christmas cards or depicted in movies....an impossible mission.

So my advice to anyone, whether you are juggling a 'special needs wonder' or a 'neuro-typical lovely' is keep going, bend don't break! Christmas doesn't have to be perfect and your expectations can be "lowered'! Take time for yourself and find something small everyday that will spark joy in you - be it a walk, a piece of cake or fluffy bubble bath.

Also it's really important to reflect - so please make a list of all that you have come through this year, because I bet it's a hell of a lot. Don't forget to include wins like, "used the weighted blanket to help regulate effectively', or 'found a great book that helped me get more insight into ADHD" or "I haven't stopped fighting for my little one and their needs" or even "Made sure we had regular meet ups with my best friends". Whatever your achievements are - they have made a big difference.

When I started JJ, I had the ambition that I was going to be churning out posts every week...then when that became challenging because life is "all the things", I committed to doing a post every other week. Surely two posts a month was doable...but no, still the curve balls kept taking me down....So I promise to keep posting articles, albeit sporadically and I hope with all my heart that some of my words have helped this year, even if it was just to let you know that you are not alone on this path.

I wish you a calm and a special time this Christmas, whatever that looks like for you.

Lots of love and hope for 2023.